EARS...I need......
めぐみ




I can tell u that...I am not talking bad about you...it is just letting my feelings out...I have been hidding these for months...they just make me sick...just wanna let it out...actually I don't want anyone to know who I am talking about...just want to lock this blog...then...u turn up...never mind...but...sorry...I didn't confront you but just let this feelings grow in me......



You should know that...beside than him...I also need you...as you're my best friend...I still remember those days when we run and escape from those 'bad students'...get punish by disipline teacher...me too...can't accept that you changed...but it's not only me that feel about your changes...so...sorry......others also feel about your changes...I am only the shocked one...but they didn't......



I know you want to leave space for us...thanks a lot...I and him enjoy being togethervery much...but this doesn't mean that I forget about you...I STILL remember your message...really...I don't mean not to reply you...but I am mad that time...I just...need some time to get myself back...saying the truth...my emotions really swings when I am back from taiwan...up and down...I say: "Break up..." but...inside my heart I still love him very much...I cried many times in T1...my friends there help me up a lot...argues with family, parents and also him......since I came back from Taiwan...everybody treats me like alien...! sorry to tell everyone...I, Joanne lim didn't change at all...it's just you guys think that I am not the same through my apperance...But...I am still the same old me...my 18th birthday...unforgettable...worst...freakin sad...! 18th should be really happy and glad...because I am a grown up girl...But...my family and I...yor...hard to describe...just...many unhappy things happen to me...a lot...bunch......



It's not that I want to hide my stuff up...the problem is...you don't want to talk to me...that's not space...it's reflecting to me that this friendship won't go long...prepare your heart...I ask you about your life...your family...your stuff...you just say: "nothing lor..." ok...that's all...nothing...you've gone with another friends...ya...good.



Although I have him...I still need friends...there are times that i want to hang out with you guys...when I see him with his gang of friends...so sweet...so hurt...because I don't have you already...the one who care of my feelings is not here...but...by the way...thanks to those who help me up when I am down...( "not the best friend but good friend"...haha) and also SHE...they do listen to me...but later on...busy again with their stuff...I am alone now...I need someone to listen to what I cry out...his absence makes my life upside down...especially my mood...haiz...flows up and bang down...so I just keep myself busy with my job...in the office...stress man...working in an office is totally different environment and experience from working out there......



Blank...feel blank...so much words to speak out...so much feelings to express...so much thoughts to splash out...but no one is there...feel depressed inside...no one is there to let me cry out...my life is so BLANK......empty hole inside ya...suddenly...I lost my way...when his hands let go...where are you guys...I...just need you guys ears...to listen to me......



EARS...I need.........
Labels: 3 feelings flow here | | edit post
Reality...? Friendship...?
めぐみ

I hide my feelings for quiet sometimes...I never want to speak it out...because it hurts and I still can't accept those reality...when I think about you...it hurts and I feel...I ask...why are you like that...I can't imagine why and how you change so desperately...I do know...you have this attitude...this sead inside you...but I believe this friendship won't be affected no matter how you change...why...? Because we face a lots of problems, matters, big deals small deals together...this friendship never shakes for years...but it becomes hard and stable...I really do thank God for this friend...we share happy and bad times together...we laugh and cry together...we talk and study at the same time...it is good to have you with me...no matter we are playing or arguing...


When I step into high school...I learn what is true friendship...and I do appreciate...we met and we cling our hands together...I am always happy to have you with me...I do learn a lot from you...eventhough we always talk rubbish...but through those rubbish talks...I learn meaningfull and precious things...sometimes...I also have day-dreams about us...being the best buddy for life! Just like my mother and her buddy...I do admire my mom...she has many friends and she won't forget them as she borrows her hands when they need...maybe......this do call day-dreams...I am a day-dreamer...day-dreams won't come true............


I am not quite sure...why we just suddenly stop contact each other...maybe you will think that is me who put you aside since I have him...but that is not true ya...I didn't forget about you even...because I saw you having another gang of friends...then...if hurts somehow but I know I can't stop you since I am busying with my activities...you get closer to them and sometimes...I can't find you during recess...maybe...you think that I 'throw' you away...NO...I didn't...I come back after those activities and found that...there are tons and tons of things I don't know about you...I stay beside you since then but nothing works...maybe you find them cool so I just sit beside...thinking that we will still be the best buddy in the earth...but...true enough...our relationship gets further and further......so then...spm coming...each busying prepare our ownself......


Never mind jo...never mind...things still can change during this long long holiday...I tell myself...things will go back straight...ya...slowly...I have faith in this friendship again...but...things become worse...I chat with you...sms...msn...you treat me so cool, cold...(freeze)...and here comes climax...you become worst...!


You changed...your mind...your mind set changed...you become so realistic...(although I didn't mention how and what my friend does)...you become so realistic...you prefer reality than friendship...you choose reality than me...reality over takes our friendship...! Because I does not have anything...you leave me...why...? Why does reality sit on top of your mind...that it climb, hit and step our friendship...we were best friend...I thought your realistic attitude won't hurt this friendship...you change from bad to worse...from worse to worst...I can't recognise you...you have a 180' change...your attitude talking to me is equal to a someone who's talking to a someone that the someone wants to get rid off...it HURTS...Hurts......so much.........


Ya...sometimes...I just want to make your dreams come true...let you go...just go...go and dissappear from my life...since you dislike me so much...but...do you know how difficult to find a friend that know your heart...you know mine...and I know yours...but these was history...in my mind...I still can't delete you from my mind...as you are there forever...you are such a good, nice and sweet friend...but...you changed........you let reality destroy everything important for me...where do this hack FRIENSHIP FOREVER comes from................


Nevertheless...no matter how you treat me...how your eyesight fall on me...to me...you are still my friend...forever......as I am serious in this friendship...bravo my friend...you did a great job in your life...run towards your aim and meet success...remember me...sometimes...as we WERE great buddies before...I miss you, friend............


Labels: 2 feelings flow here | | edit post